I'm a freelance musician... and that means two things: poverty and a lot of time on the road, in hotels or at other people's houses. Hotels are great but I like staying at other people's houses because no matter who they are they always have better shit than me. Their bathroom is like a spa, man! I've got two things in my shower: shampoo and soap. And the cheapest kind of each, too. The shampoo is always that generic head 'n shoulders. That blue crap. Maybe if I'm feeling rich when I'm at the WalMart I get the shampoo plus conditioner in one.But when I stay at other people's houses it's like a spa, man. There's separate shampoo and conditioner in there! And body wash and special soap for your face and exfoliants and luffas! And sometimes there's a whole shelf of shampoos. Then they have fancier shower heads than me, too. Mine's always caked with that mineral build-up and the water comes out of one hole like a syringe. Their's is a police riot hose with a half dozen massage settings to try out! I go to take a shower and suddenly I've got all these decisions to make!
I never know the etiquette about using someone else's toiletries. I mean, I've always got my little bag with my own soap and shampoo, that cheap ass blue shit. But that's really more for emergencies, like if you end up having to shower backstage or something. I don't know the etiquette. Should I not be using the soap in other people's showers? I've got a brother who can't stand other people using his soap. As if a disease could be passed from one bather to another on a bar of soap. It's antibacterial! Says so right on the label! What? Is your soap made from that brown petri dish culture medium crap from eighth grade biology class? Are you lathering up with a six week old block of blue cheese in there? Please! Soap is clean, by definition. I think his phobia probably has more to do with stray hairs, actually, but that's just a matter of courtesy. Clean those hairs off when your done people.
But I never know the etiquette. Never know the protocol. Sometimes I'll be staying at someone's place and they'll have that squeegee in the shower. Am I supposed to use this thing when I'm done? Wipe off all the condensation from the shower door, the walls? You can really get into it. You gotta work around that wash cloth rack and the faucet knobs. It takes forever! Adds like five minutes to the whole routine. That combined with sampling all the massage settings and deciding on a shampoo/conditioner combination in conjunction with the normal bathing schedule and you're pushing twenty minutes of hygiene. And you can't spend longer than twenty minutes in someone else's bathroom. They might think you're masturbating.
4 comments:
First of all, I think it's funny that you are writing about other people's spa-like bathrooms, and the photo you have is a picture of five bottles of Suave wedged in between the wall and a towel bar. That stuff's like one step above bar soap. I could take my shampoo money and buy you two of everything in that photo and still maybe get you a candy bar with the change.
If your hair were more than an inch and a half long, you would know that there is no skimping on shampoo and conditioner. Guys with short hair are lucky that way.
Aveda is great, but really pricey. It smells nice, and ten out of ten women will agree. Redken is also nice but a bit more affordable.
A nice apricot scrub or something similar will do wonders for your face. It's not even that expensive. And the exfoliating properties will also make it easier to get a good shave.
The squeegee takes 10 seconds, though I'm sure your hosts appreciate your level of detail.
Think of these things as little luxuries. If you need to cut back, eat more PB&J or sell plasma.
I'm with Spot on this one, Kamp. There's just no scrimping on soap and shampoos. I find Garnier shampoos and conditioners to be pretty good and not terribly pricey. Body wash is far superior to soap, and once you live in an extreme climate (either very humid like Philly or EXTREMELY dry like Calgary) you will find that the extra two or three bucks for Aveeno or Dove body wash makes a huge difference. And St. Ives Apricot scrub is "The Shit." Very affordable, too. The generic CVS or Walgreens Brand is usually just as good.
And don't even get me started on moisturizers....
I can't give plasma 'cause it makes me light headed during my sperm-selling appointments. More money in that fluid anyway. And it would be impossible to eat more peanut butter sandwiches. Trust me on this one. I will have a little more disposable income this year so maybe I'll go all metrosexual. Moisturizers, LR? Do tell...
Well okay. See, moisturizer is the greatest thing in the world, especially if you live in a place with harsh winters (like, say, Madison, WI, or Calgary... or even... IOWA!)
I personally cannot stand it when my skin gets all dry and itchy. Moisturizers can get a little pricey but some of them are worth it. Some are not.
I've always been a fan of Walgreens Brand moisturizers. They absorb quickly and they don't smell like old lady. They are also about $2 for a big ol' bottle. And only 99 cents for a little one for your car!
Lubriderm is expensive and smells like old lady. So is Eucerin.
Aveeno is fantastic stuff and worth the money. Doesn't smell like old lady and absorbs quickly and truly lasts. They have an overnight moisturizer that is just great. Make sure you don't accidentally buy the "tinted" or the "positively radiant" type, though, Kamp. Tinted MIGHT be okay, but "Positively radiant" has some kind of glittery stuff in it that works wonders on a woman's face and makes skin "sparkle!" I'm guessing that you aren't going for a "sparkle!" though.
And lastly, St. Ives "Aloe and Chamomile" is one of my favorites. Smooth, easily absorbed, not very expensive and comes in a big bottle with a pump. (I like the pump bottles. Means I'm more likely to use it than if I have to remove the pesky top.)
Oh, and a brief sidebar: If you ever have any sort of skin malady, try products with emu oil, usually found at a health food store. (Whole Foods doesn't carry anything with emu oil because I think they have to kill the emu to get it. But they killed it anyway for the meat, so you don't have to feel too sorry for it.) These products are on the high end (think $20 for a 2 oz bottle) but a little goes a long way. Emu oil has amazing restorative properties for your skin. Personally, my skin reacted really poorly to the climate in Calgary and it worked miracles for me. Not only that, it was way better than putting on some steroid cream like the doctor recommended.
Wow, that really was WAAAAAY too much info about moisturizers. I need to get some sleep.
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